This isn’t exactly ‘mom’ related but it’s definitely parent related. When I was about 3 months pregnant my dad passed away. It was/has been the hardest thing I’ve gone through. I had never really experience losing anyone close to me before then.
My dad was sick, growing up he was an avid drinker, and he spent a lot of time in and out of AA. All that drinking caused his liver to fail. But just because I knew this didn’t make it any easier.
I’ll never forget the phone call from my aunt telling me my dad had passed. The only thing I could say was ‘what am I going to do?’. I didn’t mean about him or his funeral or any of that, I meant how am I going to be okay without him? How am I going to be a parent after losing mine? What am I going to do without my best friend?
My dad lived in South Carolina with his sister and I live in Oregon so I didn’t see him much, I didn’t even call as much as I should have. I did visit about two months before he passed away though. Which looking back was one of the best decisions I had made. I think it would have been so much harder had I not went to visit.
I should have called more but I felt like I had nothing to talk about, but I still should have called. My dad was a good man and did the best he could. He didn’t know much about being a parent or raising a little girl for that matter but he tried.
He was my best friend, the one person that I knew loved me more than anything. He would have been such an amazing grandpa to Baby K too. When I found out I was pregnant I was trying to think of how to tell my dad that his little girl was having a baby of her own. I was afraid he wouldn’t take the news well but when I told him all he could say was ‘I’m going to be a grandpa!’, he was so excited.
I hate that he’s not here to meet his granddaughter. I hate that she will never get to know her grandpa, my dad. It breaks my heart but I know he is here in spirit and loves her. I just wish she would grow up with the man that I loved so much.
Losing a parent is indescribable, it’s like a piece of you is forever missing. The grieving never really ends, you just get used to it. It’s been a year and a half and I still go to call him and remember I can’t. I just want to tell him things that I know only he would laugh with me about or understand.
After a year and a half I’m able to think about him and not cry, going through pictures is another story though. Seeing my friends with their dad makes me a little jealous and miss my dad that much more. It’s a daily struggle.
I just wish I would have called more, he didn’t care if I just called to say hi and talk about nonsense, he didn’t care if he just talked, he was just happy to hear from me. But he knew I loved him and he was proud of me and that’s all that really matters.
Have you experienced grief or the loss of a parent? If you have I’m so sorry, though I know that doesn’t help, trust me. How have you coped?
That’s all for today, until next time