My Dad ❤️

  This isn’t exactly ‘mom’ related but it’s definitely parent related. When I was about 3 months pregnant my dad passed away. It was/has been the hardest thing I’ve gone through. I had never really experience losing anyone close to me before then.

My dad was sick, growing up he was an avid drinker, and he spent a lot of time in and out of AA. All that drinking caused his liver to fail. But just because I knew this didn’t make it any easier.

I’ll never forget the phone call from my aunt telling me my dad had passed. The only thing I could say was ‘what am I going to do?’. I didn’t mean about him or his funeral or any of that, I meant how am I going to be okay without him? How am I going to be a parent after losing mine? What am I going to do without my best friend?

My dad lived in South Carolina with his sister and I live in Oregon so I didn’t see him much, I didn’t even call as much as I should have. I did visit about two months before he passed away though. Which looking back was one of the best decisions I had made. I think it would have been so much harder had I not went to visit. 

  
I should have called more but I felt like I had nothing to talk about, but I still should have called. My dad was a good man and did the best he could. He didn’t know much about being a parent or raising a little girl for that matter but he tried. 

He was my best friend, the one person that I knew loved me more than anything. He would have been such an amazing grandpa to Baby K too. When I found out I was pregnant I was trying to think of how to tell my dad that his little girl was having a baby of her own. I was afraid he wouldn’t take the news well but when I told him all he could say was ‘I’m going to be a grandpa!’, he was so excited. 

I hate that he’s not here to meet his granddaughter. I hate that she will never get to know her grandpa, my dad. It breaks my heart but I know he is here in spirit and loves her. I just wish she would grow up with the man that I loved so much. 

Losing a parent is indescribable, it’s like a piece of you is forever missing. The grieving never really ends, you just get used to it. It’s been a year and a half and I still go to call him and remember I can’t. I just want to tell him things that I know only he would laugh with me about or understand.

After a year and a half I’m able to think about him and not cry, going through pictures is another story though. Seeing my friends with their dad makes me a little jealous and miss my dad that much more. It’s a daily struggle.

I just wish I would have called more, he didn’t care if I just called to say hi and talk about nonsense, he didn’t care if he just talked, he was just happy to hear from me. But he knew I loved him and he was proud of me and that’s all that really matters.

Have you experienced grief or the loss of a parent? If you have I’m so sorry, though I know that doesn’t help, trust me. How have you coped?

That’s all for today, until next time 

❤️Blushing Mom

 

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Number 2?!

I was pretty much an only child, I mostly grew up with it being just me and my dad. I didn’t mind, but now as an adult I envy my friends that have siblings. I want to have that forever bond that they have. I do have a half brother whom I love dearly and talk to often but he also lives in another state. Which I guess could be common for siblings to live far away from another but still have that closeness. I just wish we had grown up together.

With that said I’ve been considering having another baby! Anyone that knows me knows I never really wanted kids, but baby K has been such a blessing. When I was pregnant and even after her I was very certain I would NEVER have or want another. I even told Grizzly during labor that she was going to forever be an only child and we could get her a dog or a monkey😂. I was in excruciating pain and a bit delusional. 

Up until the last month I knew I did not want another baby. No way, no how! But baby K is getting bigger, she is growing up so fast and I almost miss the crazy schedule of a newborn stage. She never wants to cuddle with me anymore, she’s too busy getting into everything she’s not supposed to. I miss holding her like a baby instead chasing her around telling her not to touch the outlets or not to bite the dog. 

But it’s not just for me, I want Baby K to have the bond I long for. I want her to have a little brother or sister to help take care of, share and play with, to fight with and love. I want her to have a forever bond with someone long after I’m gone. I want her to have more than I had and that includes growing up with a little brother or sister.

So after some serious consideration we decided when Baby K turns 2 were going to start trying for another. I’ve heard 3 years apart is ideal. I don’t want to have the second one too early so I can still enjoy every second with baby K, but not so long that she’ll never have anything in common with her sibling.

Some days I wonder if I could possibly do this again, pregnancy wasn’t my favorite even though I had a pretty easy one, and labor was hands down the worst pain I had ever been in. Some days when baby K just cries and is a complete grump I wonder how the second one would be. Baby K hasn’t been the easiest baby, she hates the car, she is really fussy, though it’s less and less as she gets older. Her dad and I joke about her really being easy and the next one being much harder. It’s funny to talk about but wouldn’t be so funny if it came true.

The second time around shouldn’t be as tough though, I know what we like and don’t like as far as baby gear. It will still be new but I definitely won’t be as clueless as I was with baby K. And I’ll have a little helper:)

We’ve decided it would be worth it all to try for baby number two and I’m excited! Did you decide to have a second baby? What were some reasons you chose to or chose not to?

Until next time!

❤️Blushing Mom 

 

New Hair!

I don’t normally do this and it’s not exactly ‘mom’ related, but it kind of is. Now that I’m a mom I don’t have the time to spend in a salon to get my hair done. I don’t think baby K would sit still long enough to even get a trim let alone change my hair color. So I dye my hair at home.

Anyway I wanted to do something a little different, I saw a lot of these deep purple colors that looked really pretty and thought I would try one out. I used to have black hair so I figured why not?! 

Unfortunately I don’t have a color of my hair before I dyed it but it was a reddish medium brown.

Here’s the color I chose:   I picked it up at Walmart for under 7 dollars, I have a lot of hair so I bought two just to be safe. Luckily because I used both of them.When I mixed the color to my surprise it was this horrible red pink color!

  
I almost called it quits then but figured worse comes to worse I could dye black over it. 

So I reluctantly covered my hair with the clown red color and let it sit for about 25-30 minutes. Don’t mind my shirt, it gets a little messy when I dye my hair 😂 

  
It looked very red on the shirt and where I got it on my skin so I was pretty nervous. 

Fast forward 30 minutes and a blow dry and here are the results! 

 

 It’s a beautiful dark purple/black color! I’m not sure I like it on myself but the color itself is such a pretty color! I’m hoping I’ll get used to it and like it more in a few days but I’m definitely happy with the color!

It looks more brown in my bathroom but I have weird lighting in there 


What do you think?! Any colors you’ve dyed your hair that you love?! I’d love to see pictures and to hear what you use:)

Until next time!

❤️Blushing Mom
 

Outings With A Baby

  Since becoming a mom I’ve felt so much pressure and judgement, not just from myself and family but from strangers. I don’t understand why moms judge each other so harshly. We’re all in this for the same thing, we want the best for our children and we’re doing the best we can.

Here’s an example,  the other day my daughter and I were at goodwill and I found a few things I wanted to try on, so I carted baby K into the dressing room with me and she started yelling/crying, I tried all kinds of toys, her sippy, and snacks. Nothing worked, she wanted to be held. So as her yells echoed through the store I continued to change as quickly as I could. 

Once I was finished I picked her up and she was instantly okay. When we walked out of the dressing room I saw the stares and the bad looks from the other people shopping which made me frustrated. They don’t know my daughter, she’s very vocal and constantly wants to be held, which isn’t always possible. They don’t know the struggle I had just gone through in the dressing room trying to get her calm. Sometimes babies yell and cry, and that’s okay.

I used to be that person though, the one thinking ‘why don’t you do something, she’s crying for a reason’, until I had baby K. I now know, sometimes babies just cry, no matter what you do or try, they continue to cry. And that’s okay.

If I could say something to the people that judge and the old me, it would be this 

‘I know you heard my daughter crying while we were in the dressing room, grocery shopping, out to dinner, etc. I don’t know how you couldn’t. What you didn’t hear or see was me trying to do everything I could to get her to calm down. You didn’t see me struggling to try and hold her and try my shirt on in the dressing room. You didn’t see me giving her snacks while I tried to hurry and to eat my food in the small time I had in between her finishing her bite. You didn’t know that I had made sure her diaper was clean or that she had everything she needed. You didn’t know that my daughter wants to be held almost constantly and that I can’t always do things with one hand. You didn’t offer help when I struggled to carry her and push my cart, or even offer a kind word, instead you stared disapprovingly. You don’t know my daughter and you don’t see how hard I try to keep her happy every day. All you heard was her crying and instantly made judgement. Those looks and stares make me feel as if I’m lacking as a mom, even though I know I’m doing the best I can, for the short time I see the disapproval in your face I feel like a failure. Even though I don’t know you and your opinion shouldn’t matter, it still bothers me. I’m already upset enough that I wasn’t able to keep my daughter calm and she’s crying in the store, restaurant, etc, your looks don’t help, sometimes babies cry and that’s okay.’

Sincerely,

A Mom Who Is Trying Her Best.

If we could all just put ourselves in each others shoes before being so quick to judge. If you see a mom struggling, offer to help her, offer a kind word, or even just a smile would help so much more than a stare or judging them. 

What experience have you had as a parent where you felt judged or upset? Comment below.

Until next time! 

❤️Blushing Mom 

Parenting Advice

I’ve been thinking about the advice I had gotten pre baby K and some sayings that have been proven untrue or unrealistic.

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Who ever said ‘sleeping like a baby’ is a good thing either has never had kids or was lucky and had a good sleeping baby. I’ve been sleeping like a baby the last 9 months and I’m exhausted.

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Sleep when the baby sleeps would be really good advice, except that’s my only ‘me time’ I don’t want to waste it by napping! Sure I’m tired but who can sleep when your dvr is full of your favorite unwatched shows or you have the opportunity to shower without an audience?

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Sure ‘breastfeeding will help lose the baby weight’ I’m sure it helped. Also not having time to eat probably helped more, between nursing, diaper changes, and baby K only sleeping on me, where could I have fit in eating? I ate a lot of fruit snacks and gold fish in the first months of her life, simply because they were quick and easy and took less than 4 seconds to make. Even then I did a lot of walking and portion control once I remembered to eat. 9 months later and I’m still struggling to get into my pre pregnancy clothes.

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‘You will get a lot of advice’, this is true, only it’s an understatement. Instead they should say ‘you’ll get more advice than you’ll know what to do with and 98% of it will be crap’. Since the arrival of baby K, and even before EVERYONE is an expert parent and thinks they can raise your child better than you. The lady in the grocery store knows every trick in the book, your friend who has never even held a baby, also an expert.  People you don’t even know will give you advice on how to take care of your little one. And it doesn’t stop when they get older, in fact I’m not sure it’ll stop even when she’s off to college and living on her own. The only way to handle the amount of unwanted advice you’ll get is to ignore them, be nice and pretend like you’ll take it but once you walk away forget everything they said. No one knows your baby like you do and if what you’re doing works, why change it?

What advice or sayings have you realized to be false? Leave a comment below to share your story!

Thats all for today! If you like my blog follow me on Twitter for more or follow my blog on word press!

❤️Blushing Mom

About Me!

I wanted to start my blog off with a little about myself. I’m a stay at home mom of an amazing 8 (almost 9) month old little girl, we’ll call her baby K. She’s our first other than our little dog Lacy, who has finally learned to love her little her little sister 🙂image

I have an amazing boyfriend of 4 years, we’ll call him Grizzly (he refuses to shave😂). He is an apprentice for a steel company, between work and school he’s not home as much. So usually it’s just me, baby K, and Lacy finding things to fill our days, usually bargain shopping or walking around, with the occasional play date.

I started this blog to share my social awkwardness and the struggle it’s been trying to make mom friends, and just day to day life in general.

A few things about me:

  • I’m in my mid twenties
  • Being a mom is the hardest most amazing thing I’ve ever done
  • I’m a bargain shopper extraordinaire
  • Oregon is home ❤️
  • I’m a mediocre chef and housekeeper
  • I’m a terrible speller (thankful for spellcheck!)
  • I can make any social situation awkward.
  • I love sunny days, road trips (even though baby K hates them), walking by the river, the ocean, Oregon, writing, sewing, hamburgers, bargain shopping, deals, my little family, my happily ever after.